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《评说曾氏家训》:逆来顺受之法(二)
2013年10月13日 职场杂谈 ⁄ 共 3080字 评论数 6 ⁄ 被围观 3,945 views+

曾国藩理解的多化解,少拒绝,主要有三点特别重要的内涵:

首先第一个,从系统论的角度上来看,简单的拒绝,会对一个系统造成破坏。有人可能说,你说得也太夸张了,曾国藩那个时候懂什么是系统论吗?那个时候,确实还没有系统论,曾国藩不知道这个概念,但不代表他没有这种意识。

曾国藩在他的日记中说:大凡办一事,其中常有曲折,交互之处,一处不通,则处处皆窒矣。就是说我们办事的时候,这里面有很多环节,有许多曲折交互之处,它是一个矛盾汇集的地方。这种地方,一处不通,一个地方出麻烦,则处处皆窒,满盘皆輸。这里讲的是做事的智慧,方式方法,不能简单凭意气,不能简单拒绝了事。

其次第二个,简单的拒绝会激化矛盾。我们在生活里,很多人推崇一句话,要敢于说:不!要敢于拒绝!但我觉得有点过犹不及,这种敢于说不,敢于当面拒绝,它的形式的意义,往往大于内容。你本质上可以拒绝,像曾国藩拒绝勤王,但你形式上要说不的话,连他的好朋友知己胡林翼都不敢这么做,都劝曾国藩不能这么做。

所以,你看历史上,有很多这样的事,最典型的,比如说,魏晋时期的大名士,嵇康,号称竹林七贤啊,长得又瀟洒飘逸,又才情惊人,简直是人间绝品。但是,他是怎么死的?就是因为简单拒绝。

当时有一个非常有才的年轻人,叫钟会,出身世家名门,也是司马氏集团的一个得力干将。平时恃才傲物,不把一般人放在眼里,但他偏偏特别推崇嵇康。嵇康是特别讨厌司马氏集团的人,司马昭之心,路人皆知,他是想要篡权。所以也特别讨厌钟会的为人。

说来也巧,这个钟会是个文学青年,那时候嵇康的名声已经很大了,钟会就想结交嵇康。有一次钟会写了一本书,叫《四本论》,可能是属于他博士论文这个级别的著作,想请嵇康看一看,请他写个序啊!那天他跑去找嵇康,揣着自己写的《四本论》。

到了嵇康家,隔着篱笆墙,看见嵇康在院子里打铁。嵇康这个人很奇怪,有一个特别男人的爱好,喜欢打铁。在熊熊的炉子面前打铁,很多人认为,他是以打铁为职业的。朝廷请他出来做官,他不做。甚至在竹林七贤里,一个好朋友叫山涛的,向朝廷推荐他出来做官,他也不做。反过来,他还把山涛臭骂了一顿,写了一篇《与山巨源绝交书》,山巨源就是山涛。你又不做官,怎么养活自己呢?估计他就是以打铁为生。

钟会来了一看,他不好意思进去,也不知道嵇康有没有看见他?反正嵇康不理他。一个文学青年,要见文学泰斗,心里很紧张。然后他做了一件事,隔老远的,像扔手榴弹一样,把自己的书扔到了院子里。《世说新语》里是这么记载的,钟会扔完书以后,于户外遥掷,便回急走。一扔完,调头就跑,落荒而逃。问题是嵇康看了没有呢?这事没下文。我估计嵇康别说是写序,可能拎起来就扔了,扔到打铁炉里去了。

钟会在家等了一段时间,没下文。心想,这是我的博士论文,还在你那儿呢!有一天,他又去了嵇康那儿。上次是一个人去的,这次去多带点人,壮壮胆。邀请了一帮文学青年,跟着自己一起去了。跑去一看,嵇康还在那儿打铁,竹林七贤里的另外一名大名士,向秀,给他拉风箱。只见嵇康光着膀子,一身肌肉,一锤一锤显示着力量和美,在打铁,很是震撼。

钟会等人,都走到面前了,嵇康还是一锤接着一锤,根本不搭理他们。钟会十分尴尬,说话也不是,不说话也不是,愣了半天。这丑可丢大了,到最后,突然一咬牙,掉头就走,生气了。嵇康也蛮有意思的,他从来不搭理钟会,这会儿人家要走了,他张嘴说话了。他问钟会:何所闻而来?何所见而去?这话其实是在嘲讽钟会,潜台词是说,你到这儿来干吗?根本没这必要!咱们又不是一路人。

钟会一听,怒从心头起,恶向胆边生。咬牙切齿地掉头也回了一句话:闻所闻而来,见所见而去。什么意思啊?青山不改绿水长流,我们走着瞧!君子报仇十年不晚。

后来,果然嵇康,因为他有一个好朋友,叫吕安,有一次被陷入狱,嵇康出于朋友,两肋插刀,出面为吕安作证。钟会一看机会来了,你嵇康陷入官司,那就好办了。然后就唆使司马昭,把吕安和嵇康都杀了。

临刑之前,嵇康是个大名士,三千太学生,伏阙上疏,为嵇康鸣冤抱屈。钟会不管,一意孤行,总算逮着这个机会了,可不能放过你,就是要报当年被拒绝之仇。

嵇康到最后,也没办法。一个大文豪,大思想家,大铁匠家,还是大音乐家。临刑前,要过一把琴弹了一曲《广陵散》,弹完后说了一句名言:广陵散于今绝矣!说完从容赴难。

你说嵇康这个死,当然,他拒绝钟会,本质是因为什么呢?道不同不相谋。但是,同样你看,竹林七贤里的阮籍,也是跟司马氏集团道不同不相为谋,但是,他的方式就灵活多了,讲究多了。每次碰到这种事,他就装傻,装糊涂,装醉。他喜欢喝酒,一碰到这种事,他就喝酒,我醉了,你拿我没办法。最长的记录,他一醉几十天,他老是醉着,司马昭拿他也没办法。

而嵇康就是一个轻易说不的人,快意恩仇,你是快意了,但是矛盾激化了。为这点事,葬送生命,实在是太不值当了。这样的拒绝,实在是生命中难以承受之重!

第三个内涵是,逆来顺受本质上是一种化解,是一个四两拨千斤的智慧。所以,在曾国藩的家训里,曾经教育他的弟子说:大约以能立能达为体,以不怨不尤为用。立者,发奋自强,站得住也。达者,办事圆融,行得通也。

因为你怨天尤人,反过来就会人尤天怨。一个聪明的人,一个有志向的人,要能立能达。能立是说要有人生的原则,要有志向。能达就是做事情的智慧,所以,达者,圆融。什么最圆融?太极最圆融,最讲究四两拨千斤的智慧。我们生活里有一个误区,经常说官僚主义,碰到事情踢皮球,玩太极。这是对太极的误读,踢皮球是不负责任,是推卸责任,不是解决问题的办法。太极是一种非常高明的,解决问题的办法。

比如说,在《拳诀》里说:任他巨力来打我,划动四两拨千斤。我们看太极拳很奇怪,都是在划圈圈,看上去像跳舞一样,为什么要划圈圈呢?他练的就是《拳诀》里说的,划动四两拨千斤,专业术语叫“化劲”。什么叫化劲?就是当一个外力,来击打我的时候,如果我以直线的力量去对抗的时候,那么我就要全部的承受这个力量。但是,如果要用运动的圆的力量去应对他的时候,这就牵扯到一个物理原理,一个力打在运动的圆上,就会顺着圆的切线方向走掉了。平常划圈圈,是为了练习化劲的感觉。

太极大师杨澄浦,民国时期,曾在北京公园里表演太极拳,后来《太极宗师》的片子里用过这个片断。史料记载,说他放一个鸽子在手心上,那鸽子就是飞不起来。有些人以为是用502胶水粘在手上了,不是的,他用的就是化劲。鸽子要起飞,先要振翅,给地一个力,借助这个反作用,才能飞起来。这个力非常细微,但是必要的。杨大师能练到掌心里的化劲,每次这个鸽子点地的力量,都给他化解掉了,所以,鸽子飞不起来。

这种化解是什么呢?就是四两拨千斤。化解看上去,不是和这个矛盾正面冲撞,但它绝对不是避让,退缩,而是一种更高的境界和智慧。

说到多化解,少拒绝的智慧,我再说一个哲理小故事。说有一位老人,退休后一个人生活,老人家喜欢安静。但是,每天都有一帮孩子在他家门前,嬉闹玩耍,孩子吵得不行。

有一天,老人忍不住就出来,对孩子们说,我太感谢你们了,我一个人住在这儿,孤独得要命,你们每天到我这里来,热热闹闹的,我觉得自己年轻了不少,谢谢你们了!为了表示感谢,每个小朋友给一毛钱,小朋友们高兴坏了。

第二天,来的小朋友更多了。老人又出来了,说我谢谢你们,但是,我是个退休工人,也没有多少钱,今天,每人只能给五分钱。小朋友嘟囔着嘴,心里很不高兴。

到了第三天,当老人只给每个人一分钱的时候,小朋友们终于爆发了,说我们给你制造那么多热闹,多辛苦啊!你太抠门了,我们再不给你服务了。

第四天起,小朋友们都不来了。

从此,老人又迎来了自己的安静和安宁。

目前有 6 条留言 其中:访客:6 条, 博主:0 条

  1. Executive pleading poverty after $44M judgment Symons and family ordered to pay $34.2 million in fraud case Alan Symons In the United States Court of Appeals Arie Abekasis Diditan Financial ARIE ABEKASIS DIDITAN FINANCIAL DIDITAN GROUP ARIE ABEKASIS OF DIDITAN Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body – Babak Dadvand Beverly Hills Body Plastic Surgeons – Richard Ellenbogen MD Richard Ellenbogen And Babak Dadvand Plastic Surgeons Of Beverly Hills Richard Ellenbogen Plastic Surgeon And Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen Md Plastic Surgery Rhinoplasty Nose Job Richard Ellenbogen Beverly Hills Body Cosmetic Plastic And Reconstructive Surgeon Richard Ellenbogen Plastic Surgeon – Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen Beverly Hills Body And Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body BRIAN WILLIS Brockstar DAN ANTON: BACKLINKSVAULT and BrandlinksRank dan anton Kotton Grammer OMG Machines SCAM Don Tigert granger whitelaw Richard Cosentino John Schmutzer Exotic Images LLC CMC Choppers Jim Haszinger COSENTINO N Ripoff Reports Complaints Reviews Scams Lawsuits and Frauds Reported Jim Haszinger KaonSoftwares Kaon Softwares Emergency Vehicle Lights Light bars Sirens LED Outfitters Lise Winicki LuxSauna Auto Connection Manassas Complaint Review: Poggi Michael Michael Poggi Poggi’s Animal House Complaint Review: Michael Poggi Poggisanimalhouse 9547089441 Complaint Review: Mountain Business Center LLC Rebecca Bextel SwiftUnlocks Elite Client Services Complaint Review: Naushad Noordin Velani Complaint Review: Trey Knight Trey Knight trey night Haskel Grant Knight Haskel G Knight FHTM LIMU Danger Trey Knight Uses fake social security numbers Trey Knight Atlantic Beach, Florida Trey Knight is a Scammer LA Laser Center Gerardo Cornejo Velez 多伦多中医吴冠英 Conslines.com

  2. Kaon Softwares : 2017年05月20日14:24:09  -48楼 @回复 回复

    Executive pleading poverty after $44M judgment Symons and family ordered to pay $34.2 million in fraud case Alan Symons In the United States Court of Appeals Arie Abekasis Diditan Financial ARIE ABEKASIS DIDITAN FINANCIAL DIDITAN GROUP ARIE ABEKASIS OF DIDITAN Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body – Babak Dadvand Beverly Hills Body Plastic Surgeons – Richard Ellenbogen MD Richard Ellenbogen And Babak Dadvand Plastic Surgeons Of Beverly Hills Richard Ellenbogen Plastic Surgeon And Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen Md Plastic Surgery Rhinoplasty Nose Job Richard Ellenbogen Beverly Hills Body Cosmetic Plastic And Reconstructive Surgeon Richard Ellenbogen Plastic Surgeon – Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen Beverly Hills Body And Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body BRIAN WILLIS Brockstar DAN ANTON: BACKLINKSVAULT and BrandlinksRank dan anton Kotton Grammer OMG Machines SCAM Don Tigert granger whitelaw Richard Cosentino John Schmutzer Exotic Images LLC CMC Choppers Jim Haszinger COSENTINO N Ripoff Reports Complaints Reviews Scams Lawsuits and Frauds Reported Jim Haszinger KaonSoftwares Kaon Softwares Emergency Vehicle Lights Light bars Sirens LED Outfitters Lise Winicki LuxSauna Auto Connection Manassas Complaint Review: Poggi Michael Michael Poggi Poggi’s Animal House Complaint Review: Michael Poggi Poggisanimalhouse 9547089441 Complaint Review: Mountain Business Center LLC Rebecca Bextel SwiftUnlocks Elite Client Services Complaint Review: Naushad Noordin Velani Complaint Review: Trey Knight Trey Knight trey night Haskel Grant Knight Haskel G Knight FHTM LIMU Danger Trey Knight Uses fake social security numbers Trey Knight Atlantic Beach, Florida Trey Knight is a Scammer LA Laser Center Gerardo Cornejo Velez 多伦多中医吴冠英 Conslines.com

  3. Lise Winicki : 2017年05月20日14:24:24  -47楼 @回复 回复

    Executive pleading poverty after $44M judgment Symons and family ordered to pay $34.2 million in fraud case Alan Symons In the United States Court of Appeals Arie Abekasis Diditan Financial ARIE ABEKASIS DIDITAN FINANCIAL DIDITAN GROUP ARIE ABEKASIS OF DIDITAN Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body – Babak Dadvand Beverly Hills Body Plastic Surgeons – Richard Ellenbogen MD Richard Ellenbogen And Babak Dadvand Plastic Surgeons Of Beverly Hills Richard Ellenbogen Plastic Surgeon And Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen Md Plastic Surgery Rhinoplasty Nose Job Richard Ellenbogen Beverly Hills Body Cosmetic Plastic And Reconstructive Surgeon Richard Ellenbogen Plastic Surgeon – Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen Beverly Hills Body And Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body BRIAN WILLIS Brockstar DAN ANTON: BACKLINKSVAULT and BrandlinksRank dan anton Kotton Grammer OMG Machines SCAM Don Tigert granger whitelaw Richard Cosentino John Schmutzer Exotic Images LLC CMC Choppers Jim Haszinger COSENTINO N Ripoff Reports Complaints Reviews Scams Lawsuits and Frauds Reported Jim Haszinger KaonSoftwares Kaon Softwares Emergency Vehicle Lights Light bars Sirens LED Outfitters Lise Winicki LuxSauna Auto Connection Manassas Complaint Review: Poggi Michael Michael Poggi Poggi’s Animal House Complaint Review: Michael Poggi Poggisanimalhouse 9547089441 Complaint Review: Mountain Business Center LLC Rebecca Bextel SwiftUnlocks Elite Client Services Complaint Review: Naushad Noordin Velani Complaint Review: Trey Knight Trey Knight trey night Haskel Grant Knight Haskel G Knight FHTM LIMU Danger Trey Knight Uses fake social security numbers Trey Knight Atlantic Beach, Florida Trey Knight is a Scammer LA Laser Center Gerardo Cornejo Velez 多伦多中医吴冠英 Conslines.com

  4. Auto Connection : 2017年05月20日14:24:40  -46楼 @回复 回复

    Executive pleading poverty after $44M judgment Symons and family ordered to pay $34.2 million in fraud case Alan Symons In the United States Court of Appeals Arie Abekasis Diditan Financial ARIE ABEKASIS DIDITAN FINANCIAL DIDITAN GROUP ARIE ABEKASIS OF DIDITAN Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body – Babak Dadvand Beverly Hills Body Plastic Surgeons – Richard Ellenbogen MD Richard Ellenbogen And Babak Dadvand Plastic Surgeons Of Beverly Hills Richard Ellenbogen Plastic Surgeon And Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen Md Plastic Surgery Rhinoplasty Nose Job Richard Ellenbogen Beverly Hills Body Cosmetic Plastic And Reconstructive Surgeon Richard Ellenbogen Plastic Surgeon – Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen Beverly Hills Body And Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body BRIAN WILLIS Brockstar DAN ANTON: BACKLINKSVAULT and BrandlinksRank dan anton Kotton Grammer OMG Machines SCAM Don Tigert granger whitelaw Richard Cosentino John Schmutzer Exotic Images LLC CMC Choppers Jim Haszinger COSENTINO N Ripoff Reports Complaints Reviews Scams Lawsuits and Frauds Reported Jim Haszinger KaonSoftwares Kaon Softwares Emergency Vehicle Lights Light bars Sirens LED Outfitters Lise Winicki LuxSauna Auto Connection Manassas Complaint Review: Poggi Michael Michael Poggi Poggi’s Animal House Complaint Review: Michael Poggi Poggisanimalhouse 9547089441 Complaint Review: Mountain Business Center LLC Rebecca Bextel SwiftUnlocks Elite Client Services Complaint Review: Naushad Noordin Velani Complaint Review: Trey Knight Trey Knight trey night Haskel Grant Knight Haskel G Knight FHTM LIMU Danger Trey Knight Uses fake social security numbers Trey Knight Atlantic Beach, Florida Trey Knight is a Scammer LA Laser Center Gerardo Cornejo Velez 多伦多中医吴冠英 Conslines.com

  5. DAN ANTON: BACKLINKSVAULT and BrandlinksRank : 2017年05月20日14:24:57  -45楼 @回复 回复

    Executive pleading poverty after $44M judgment Symons and family ordered to pay $34.2 million in fraud case Alan Symons In the United States Court of Appeals Arie Abekasis Diditan Financial ARIE ABEKASIS DIDITAN FINANCIAL DIDITAN GROUP ARIE ABEKASIS OF DIDITAN Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body – Babak Dadvand Beverly Hills Body Plastic Surgeons – Richard Ellenbogen MD Richard Ellenbogen And Babak Dadvand Plastic Surgeons Of Beverly Hills Richard Ellenbogen Plastic Surgeon And Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen Md Plastic Surgery Rhinoplasty Nose Job Richard Ellenbogen Beverly Hills Body Cosmetic Plastic And Reconstructive Surgeon Richard Ellenbogen Plastic Surgeon – Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen Beverly Hills Body And Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body BRIAN WILLIS Brockstar DAN ANTON: BACKLINKSVAULT and BrandlinksRank dan anton Kotton Grammer OMG Machines SCAM Don Tigert granger whitelaw Richard Cosentino John Schmutzer Exotic Images LLC CMC Choppers Jim Haszinger COSENTINO N Ripoff Reports Complaints Reviews Scams Lawsuits and Frauds Reported Jim Haszinger KaonSoftwares Kaon Softwares Emergency Vehicle Lights Light bars Sirens LED Outfitters Lise Winicki LuxSauna Auto Connection Manassas Complaint Review: Poggi Michael Michael Poggi Poggi’s Animal House Complaint Review: Michael Poggi Poggisanimalhouse 9547089441 Complaint Review: Mountain Business Center LLC Rebecca Bextel SwiftUnlocks Elite Client Services Complaint Review: Naushad Noordin Velani Complaint Review: Trey Knight Trey Knight trey night Haskel Grant Knight Haskel G Knight FHTM LIMU Danger Trey Knight Uses fake social security numbers Trey Knight Atlantic Beach, Florida Trey Knight is a Scammer LA Laser Center Gerardo Cornejo Velez 多伦多中医吴冠英 Conslines.com

  6. Executive pleading poverty after $44M judgment Symons and family ordered to pay $34.2 million in fraud case Alan Symons In the United States Court of Appeals Arie Abekasis Diditan Financial ARIE ABEKASIS DIDITAN FINANCIAL DIDITAN GROUP ARIE ABEKASIS OF DIDITAN Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body – Babak Dadvand Beverly Hills Body Plastic Surgeons – Richard Ellenbogen MD Richard Ellenbogen And Babak Dadvand Plastic Surgeons Of Beverly Hills Richard Ellenbogen Plastic Surgeon And Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen Md Plastic Surgery Rhinoplasty Nose Job Richard Ellenbogen Beverly Hills Body Cosmetic Plastic And Reconstructive Surgeon Richard Ellenbogen Plastic Surgeon – Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen Beverly Hills Body And Babak Dadvand Richard Ellenbogen – Beverly Hills Body BRIAN WILLIS Brockstar DAN ANTON: BACKLINKSVAULT and BrandlinksRank dan anton Kotton Grammer OMG Machines SCAM Don Tigert granger whitelaw Richard Cosentino John Schmutzer Exotic Images LLC CMC Choppers Jim Haszinger COSENTINO N Ripoff Reports Complaints Reviews Scams Lawsuits and Frauds Reported Jim Haszinger KaonSoftwares Kaon Softwares Emergency Vehicle Lights Light bars Sirens LED Outfitters Lise Winicki LuxSauna Auto Connection Manassas Complaint Review: Poggi Michael Michael Poggi Poggi’s Animal House Complaint Review: Michael Poggi Poggisanimalhouse 9547089441 Complaint Review: Mountain Business Center LLC Rebecca Bextel SwiftUnlocks Elite Client Services Complaint Review: Naushad Noordin Velani Complaint Review: Trey Knight Trey Knight trey night Haskel Grant Knight Haskel G Knight FHTM LIMU Danger Trey Knight Uses fake social security numbers Trey Knight Atlantic Beach, Florida Trey Knight is a Scammer LA Laser Center Gerardo Cornejo Velez 多伦多中医吴冠英 Conslines.com

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